For the first time in my 6 years living with diabetes I want to take my insulin pump off. While, it may not seem like a big deal to some, it is to me. I’ve reached a new point in my diabetes life and am experiencing another diabetes first.
I long to roll around on my sides and not get tangled in tubing or have to move the pump. I want to get a massage without having my therapist work around my site and not having an area massaged. I want my chiropractic adjustments to not be awkward and feel the cannula poking my muscle. I want to be able to put lotion on in the morning, without having to work around an infusion site, I want to be able to rub and itch my skin like anybody else does. I want to not have an abdomen and sides that look like pin cushions from bleeding, bruising, painful sites.
A couple weekends ago, Seth and I laid low and stayed in, relaxing at home. We went to bed early on Saturday, I crawled into bed, got cozy, then said, “fuck, I have to change my site.” I ripped it off, and felt this sudden freedom; I started giggling, rolling around and rubbing on my sides like I haven’t done in years? I laid there for a while, before finally dragging my ass out of bed and changing my site, since you know, I have to have insulin or I’ll die and I’m a responsible adult. This insertion stung a little more than usual, perhaps because my 10 minute freedom was no more. Since that night, I’ve been thinking about it constantly.
I know my feelings are normal, but they’re not normal for me. It’s an odd feeling to want things you’ve never wanted before and in a million years, I would have never thought I’d be saying, “I’m really tired of having this fecking medical device attached to me 365/24/7!”
Interesting when the pump itself has provided me with so many freedoms, yet I want freedom from it.
livinglikelinds 
I can totally relate. The beauty of it all is that you have choices. You can have a pumpcation or not…. I had a season of being off the pump but then I liked not thinking…. Give it a try!! Good luck!
Yeah, I appreciate the freedom that it affords me too much, to take a pumpcation, right now anyway. Which is why it’s frustrating! Ahhh the diabetes catch-22’s.
Thanks for the post! I flip back and forth between wanting to try the pump and not….I’m still torn and probably always will be.
Once I tried it, I never went back, it’s been wonderful (just wish I didn’t have to wear it all the time 🙂 )! But after starting, I was unsure of it all, for a while, took time.
Yeah, it seems like it would just some some…things…more awkward, and one of my biggest concerns is that I work with dogs, so the possibility of nails getting caught in tubes and things like that make me shy away from it a bit. However, every diabetic I’ve talked to with one has nothing but good things to say about how much control it’s given them. Maybe one day I’ll make a choice! haha
I’m so sorry Neen. I teared up a little reading this post. I’m sorry that everybody including myself takes all of those things for granted, (massages, chiropractor, putting lotion on). I won’t take those things for granted anymore! Miss you and love you so much, always here big sis 🙂
I’m interested to hear more. I have a feeling there will be a follow-up post, perhaps several. This seems like quite a journey. My positivity to you.
I have been thinking about getting off it or at least for a little while. I was on syringes for most of my t1d life and only on pump for last 6 years but I agree that having a medical battery-operated device attached to me 24/7/365 is making me feel like I have handcuffs on >_<
Yeah, sometimes I try to time my showers to when I need a site change, so I can rip out the site, and go all free and clean into the water. I make sure the shower lasts extra long!! 🙂
Great post Linds. So many people think the pump is the end all and be all, but it’s not. What IS the end all is what works for YOU. My little 9 year old son has been on a pump for 5 years this March and I know the day will come when he is ready for a break too, and I will support him 100%. His body. His disease. Love you. Leslie
I don’t have D but my 10yo does. She pumped for 5 years and then when we took her off for a week at the beach, she never wanted to go back. I think for her it is just about wearing something all the time. And if it were me, I think I would feel the same way. On the other hand, she has no problems with multiple shots per meal. I think of us as post-pumpers because I think we approach her D-care differently thna we woudl ahve if we had never pumped. For example, thinking about insulin on board. I do miss the pump sometimes but it is her D so her choice.
That was a really touching post. It is a really heartfelt insight. I don’t have diabetes, but my boyfriend does. So (all) of this is new to me. I look forward to a follow up post. And like Oz always says, the advancements in the medical world have really come a long way, especially with Diabetes. So as long as we keep hope and keep researching, things can only get better.
I’ve never had that feeling — wait, that’s a lie. I’ve just never felt strongly enough about it that I wanted to actually do something about it. But you know, there are many folks who take a pump vacation, and go back on shots for a while. Nobody says you have to stick with one way or another forever, right?
I don’t feel strongly enough about it either, I guess Scott 🙂 As I’m still pumping, with bloody sites-even in the arms too! Yeehaw! Nope, nobody does say that, and if they did, I probably wouldn’t listen 😉
This is exactly why I plan on trying the new, smaller, OmniPod this spring. All the benefits of the pump without the tubing. Might be something to consider.